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20131202
20131210
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)
into black and blue friday. captioning sponsored by comedy central >> stephen: tonight, president obama celebrates thanksgiving and, just like your uncle, he spent the whole meal bitching about obamacare. (cheers and applause) then a breakthrough in online shopping-- you don't have to order, the n.s.a. knows what you need. (laughter) and my guest, daniel goleman is a psychologist who says the poor are more caring than the rich. hu. for some reason i don't give a (bleep). (laughter) a new study found that energy drink cans alter your heart function. so rid bull gives you wings but they might be angel wings. (laughter) this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) (cheers and applause). >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody, good to have you with us. good to see you. nice to have you. thank you so much. (audience chanting "stephen"). oh, thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen, i can't ask for any more than that. thank you for your generosity. (cheers and applause) folks, thanks for being here. in there, out th
obama pardoning this year's turkey, popcorn is the name of the turkey, receiving the presidential pardon. popcorn beat a turkey named caramel for the honor. >> stephen: boom! suck it, caramel! the internet has spoken and they decided you lose. and since it's the internet, they've also decided that you're gay! ron paul 2012. (laughter) not sure which of those two you're applauding for but thank you. but nation there's a dark side to this story of two caged animal kos peteing to not-die. neither of them die. >> however, when the online voting ended even though it looked like the obama administration was going to take a stand and caramel was going to get executed the white house tweeted, in fact, no, no, no, they're both going to live. >> stephen: that's right! our coward in chief wasn't satisfied pulling out of iraq and pulling out of afghanistan. now he's pulling out of turkey. (laughter) mr. president, what kind of message does this send the kids? what do parents say when their child looks up with those big wet eyes and ask: "mommy, why do things have to not die?" this is the weakening o
nominations. half of them have occurred during the obama administration. only 23 district court nominations have been filibustered in the entire history of our country, 23. you know what? 20 of them have been in the last four and a half years. >> stephen: hey, republicans wouldn't have to block them if obama nominated conservatives, like, say, republican senator chuck hagel. i mean, that guy-- what's that? they filibustered him, too? well, that just proves they're bipartisan. they'll filibuster anyone obama nominates. ( laughter ) and we can't trust the democrats with all this powers, folks. they can't do anything right. at harry reid's press conference announcing the end of the filibuster, they misspelled filibuster with two "ls." ( laughter ) that says philly-busters, which i assume are cops who arrest female horses. ( laughter ) and i don't even believe the democrats are really against the filibuster. because their poster clearly says they're again-sts this spem. but they niewkd it. they went ahead and niewkd it. what's going to happen in washington now? something? we were this close to
parents with the title christmas surprise. >> why does do it that? obama administration officials promised us by november 30th the web site will be functional and as you know it has already been november 30th so the so. >> white house is now work fog the vast majority of people who are trying to use it. it can now handle 50,000 users at a time, 800,000 a day. >> they say they have lowered response time to about one second and the error rate below one percent. >> jon: oh, my god. that one percent. i don't know what that is. of course the down side is that the only error that occurs is a really bad error. hey, you did it, guys and to celebrate i got you a card, i think you will enjoy it, it says congratulations on doing the thing you should have done months ago before we lost faith in the government. [ cheers and applause ] >> congratulations. that is not to say there still aren't problems. most of the front end may be looking good, people may be able to get on and get responses, but the information coming out the back end to the insurance companies is still garbage. >> >> i am star
states adopting the obama administration's common core curriculum which does not require that cursive be taught in school. >> there are many children today who can't even read cursive writing let alone write it. >> stephen: written off. >> cursive writing is no longer part of what is called quote, unquote, the common core state standards. this means that cursive is no longer considered a core skill that youngsters must learn. >> stephen: nation, that cranky raisin is right. the obama administration is waging a war on cursive, or possibly a wayne on lursive, it's kind of hard to tell. didn't quite finish that there. that's why i'm giving a big tip of the hat to the penmanship patriots over at the campaign for cursive whose logo is, naturally, a disembodied human brain with eyes and a mouth giving a thumbs up saying cursive is cool. it is easy to remember because it will haunt your dreams. as handwriting teacher jan olson points out there are plenty of reasons to keep cursive around. >> cursive is the fluid style of writing. the connections makes the letters flow together and it is actu
with democrats in that sense. president obama promised in immigration reform. he didn't keep that promise. >> jon: didn't keep his promise, huh? >> he is doing what he was supposed to do. his message is truly contradictory. [ laughter ] >> jon: i feel like saying finally to you guys welcome to america. [ laughter ] wait. we'll talk more about it. will you stick around for a little bit? we'll talk about disappointments from that side of aisle. america with jorge ramos airs at ó8]÷ál-xj,íj ,96z 0úxhçhç4=4=p%u >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. i'm upset i was not a part of your sound of music conversation. >> sing a little. >> so long i've never seen a supernova blow up but if it's anything like my old chevy nova it'll light up the night sky. yeah, anyone who misses this will regret it the rest of his life. hey, fry, could you go make some popcorn? okay. let's go, microwave. i'm in a hurry here. hmm? ( chuckling ) hey, what smells like blue?
, the point is there are still some problems with the obama web site and one of them is not going away which is the fundamental flaw of the affordable care act, the federal government is not capable of running the healthcare system, but we should root for is private, safer opportunities to improve the healthcare delivery to make health insurance more affordable. >> jon:. >> forget about obamacare if we can let the private sector run rampant in medical care, my gosh, you would be able to buy the equivalent of an iphone like you can now for $29. >> jon: where do you get your phone? i am sure the only way you can get the iphone equivalent for 29 bucks if you go to china town and snatch up a snapple y phone, which you can use to play all the top games, your irritated birds, your candy crunch, it is not even candy, that is lo zenk. >> my personal, lozenge. >> my favorite, root ninja. >> it catches the excitement of packing away at a root, because they are harder to -- cut. >> if you want to efficiently provide a product to millions of americans at once, the right thing in the private sector is t
Search Results 0 to 18 of about 19 (some duplicates have been removed)